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Subject: "recently found out i have hsv2... need support"     Previous Topic | Next Topic
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annonymous312
Member since May-24-13
2 posts
May-24-13, 07:25 PM (CST)
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"recently found out i have hsv2... need support"
 
   Hello... I'm a 21 year old girl who two weeks ago had sex with a boy I used to see when I was in high school and last summer... we've been an on and off fling for like six years and I went to visit him at UNH so I thought I was safe, we didn't use protection. I took the plan B pill the next day to be safe. But I noticed symptoms right away (started out as a yeast infection) but the itching and burning didn't go away for two weeks so I did some research and thought maybe it was gonorreah or chlamydia. so I went to the doctor's yesterday and right before my appointment I noticed a small bump that hurt when I pressed on it. Freaked me out a little bit..... went into the office got the pap from my Doctor and she said I had 6 or 7 white spots on my cervix and 3 red bumps on the outside. She said It looks exactly like genital herpes so I had to take a blood test to be sure and I won't get the results for a few days. I haven't stopped crying or moved from my bed or eaten. I don't know how to deal with this. I've dealt with so much trauma in my life that I don't feel I could live with this. I just need to hear from people that have it and how they are dealing with it. I'm currently dating a guy, but we aren't serious, I have to tell him don't I? I have to tell the guy who gave it to me. I'm freaking out I need advice I'm just a 21 year old girl in college I don't sleep around a lot, but apparently the 20 year old from UNH does. I'm disgusted with him and myself. One mistake and my life feels ruined. Is there anyone at all who can relate or help me or anything, I've never felt this alone. My thoughts are scaring me and I don't know what to do.


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  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
recently found out i have hsv2... need support [View All] annonymous312 May-24-13 TOP
  RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support Lenoreadmin Jun-18-13 1
  RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support 2naive Jun-25-13 2
     RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support Idkmu91 Jul-02-13 3
         RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support Raven00144 Jul-02-13 4
             RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support Idkmu91 Jul-05-13 5
                 RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support starrattadmin Jul-06-13 6
                     RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support Idkmu91 Jul-07-13 7
                         RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support starrattadmin Jul-07-13 8

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Lenoreadmin
Member since Oct-22-04
4281 posts
Jun-18-13, 06:01 PM (CST)
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1. "RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support"
In response to message #0
 
   A blood test tests for antibodies and they take a little while to build up, so a blood test might be negative at first. It can take 3 months to build up detectable levels of antibodies. A culture, which is a swab of the affected area, is a better test if you have an active outbreak. It's also more common to have genital HSV1 in the younger age group, so you will want to find out for sure if you do have HSV, if you have type 1 (usually from oral sex with someone who has a history of cold sores) or type 2.

I will tell you for sure that your life isn't ruined. This is an incredibly common virus. We just don't talk about it. 20-25% of adults will test positive for HSV2 with a random blood test and those numbers are more than doubled for HSV1.

I got HSV2 when I was 17 and besides being an occasional annoyance, like a headache or menstrual cramps, it's had ZERO effect on my life. It does not define who I am and it never did. that was 35 years ago.


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2naive
Member since Jun-25-13
1 posts
Jun-25-13, 08:13 AM (CST)
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2. "RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support"
In response to message #0
 
   i feel as if my life is ruined as well. im 21 which is still so young and i recently found out about this a few weeks ago. this has to be all because of my ex who cheated on me. he continuously cheated and one of his "side chicks" called me and told me she has herpes and laughed in my face. he said it wasnt true. i got tested and nothing came up because it takes months to find out. i became very scared for my life and held back getting tested again in fear of the results. i finally got tested again a few weeks ago and they said that i have it. i let so much time pass by because of what i was fearing the most. i am so upset that one bad choice on someone who i dated has ruined my life forever. i don't sleep cause i'm just always thinking about this. i just keep asking myself, why me? i have not done anything to hurt anyone and because of one stupid guy my life is over. i don't know how to cope with this. all my dreams of marriage and kids are seeming impossible. i don't know what to do with myself.


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Idkmu91
Member since Jul-2-13
4 posts
Jul-02-13, 08:33 AM (CST)
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3. "RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support"
In response to message #2
 
   I recently found out I have herpes 2 weeks ago, I'm 21 years old and contracted it from my ex boyfriend. I thought I was over it but I often catch myself thinking about it, thinking about what will happen in the future?
What will future partners say?
How do I even bring it up to someone I'm seeing and when is the appropriate time?
I've told all my closest friends what I know have.
They have all been really supportive but none of them know what it's actually like,
I hope your feeling a lot better about it.
But I'm still struggling with accepting the fact I have to live with this, and your not alone.


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Raven00144
Member since Sep-9-07
2526 posts
Jul-02-13, 10:20 AM (CST)
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4. "RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support"
In response to message #3
 
   I am sorry that you are feeling like your life is over due to this very common virus. I was close to your age when I found out I have HSVII some 20 plus years ago and yes, it was like a slap in the face or like having the wind knocked out of me for a short while. Yes, you can mope about this, but you will do better if you learn to COPE with this virus. This virus is very common and it can be managed.

Since getting this virus, I have been engaged three times and came pretty close a fourth time and two of these men also have HSVII. All of these ended due to things other than my or their HSV. Having this virus as helped me weed out the loosers sooner as I now get to know someone real well before I share such information or have sex with them. I have only had one bad telling as it was a telling and not a discussion which is what all sexually active adults should be having prior to sex. You also do not have to tell anyone that does not need to know about something so personal, but you should discuss prior to any risky behavior.

Learn as much as you can about your type of HSV (I or II, Genital and/or oral). This will help you come to terms that you have a very common virus that 1 in 4 women/5 men will test positive for. This will also help when you have the discussion with potential partners.

As hard as it may seem right now, this does get better with time. In time you will see that this virus is just a minor pest at best.

Raven00144


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Idkmu91
Member since Jul-2-13
4 posts
Jul-05-13, 07:33 PM (CST)
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5. "RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support"
In response to message #4
 
   Thank you, your support and understanding means a lot.
In the past I have dated some real douchbags, so maybe it's a blessing in disguise to find some one that actually cares about me and likes me as a person.
I've also bought the book "the good news about the bad news: herpes" just so I can get a little more information on it.
I'm not sure which one I have either hsv1 or hsv 2
I have an appointment with the doctor next week to check up on it.

I also kissed and gave oral to my ex boyfriend at the time of contracting the virus and I have had no sores come up on my face which I am very confused about, and I have never has a cold sore on my face before,
I think I might get tested for that virus also, just to know if I have it and have not had any flare ups.

Thanks


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starrattadmin
Charter Member
2115 posts
Jul-06-13, 10:42 PM (CST)
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6. "RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support"
In response to message #5
 
If I am reading between the lines of your post correctly --

You contracted HSV from your ex and shortly after this happened he's telling you that he has got HSV orally from you because he's suddenly having cold sores.

Okay, it's unlikely (very unlikely) that that is how things went down.

First. It's very difficult for people who have HSV2 to contract HSV1 -- it has something to do with how the antibodies are structured. However, it's pretty easy for people with HSV1 to still catch HSV2 (the antibodies for HSV1 don't do a very good job at fending off HSV2 unfortunately).

Assuming you are correct about catching the virus from him (as in no way it was anybody else) I'm willing to bet that he had HSV1 orally already. Most people with oral HSV1 contract it in childhood (numbers are dropping as people are grasping that it is contagious, but it's still pretty common amongst kids) from a relative who doesn't realize their cold sore is contagious.

In young people (i.e. the under 25 crowd) genital HSV1 is very common because oral sex is very common. If you come back positive for HSV1 I'd be willing to lay money that your ex gave it to you through oral sex without even realizing he had oral HSV1 (cold sores).

If you come back positive for HSV2, well odds are he had both types without realizing it (not an uncommon occurrence believe it or not).

Lots of people go years without oral outbreaks and don't even realize they have oral HSV. I'm guessing he suddenly had an oral OB and figured you must be the cause of it without bothering to find anything more out about the virus.

You definitely need to find out what type(s) you have (Ideally your original outbreak was cultured, but if not get yourself a type specific blood test once you reach the 12 week mark from when you first developed symptoms).

At the end of the day you probably wound up with this because, even if he had got tested for most STDs, he probably never had a test that looked for herpes (standard tests for STIs do not include HSV screening). Odds are until you developed symptoms you were never tested for it either.

Onto the more cheerful side of things:

YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER. This is a bump and you will feel better physically and emotionally. It's a bit of a mind blower to find yourself wrapping your mind around all this, but the shock will pass and you can come to realize that what you have on your hands is just a very common virus that will not prevent you from having relationships, a career, kids, marriage, mind blowing sex, etc. if you keep things in perspective.

THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO WILL GRASP THAT HERPES IS JUST A VIRUS AND NOT A REASON TO REJECT SOMEONE. Not saying that's everyone, but we have lots of success stories around here that demonstrate that herpes is far from being a deal breaker. I contracted herpes when I was a tad older than you (I was in my early 30s), but I was single at the time and it still felt for a little while like the world had ended for me. I have now been married to the same man for 10 years and we have 2 wonderful children and my husband and I have a very physical relationship.

THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF ADVICE any of us can give you when it comes to dating with herpes is to make sure to tell perspective partners about you having herpes before you ever get intimate. This is less about the actual risks involved versus establishing trust up front with prospective partners. It doesn't have to be a big confessional type conversation, but before the clothes come off you should sit them down and give them the news. I did this as soon as the second date and late as 3 months into things (or never when it came to guys I never got intimate with)--but it was always before things got naughty. I never got rejected over my herpes status. .

Keep on hanging in there. Things do get easier.

Be well,
Lorraine

Hoe eet jy 'n olifant? Bietjie vir bietjie.
(Translation from Afrikans: How do you eat an elephant? Bit by bit.)


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Idkmu91
Member since Jul-2-13
4 posts
Jul-07-13, 05:28 AM (CST)
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7. "RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support"
In response to message #6
 
   Thank you for all your information, you've been a huge help. I'm starting to believe what people say "it just takes time to finally accept your hsv"
I'm feeling a lot better recently but I feel, like some days I'm good and then some days I'm on the edge of falling apart. So far I haven't had any bad days.

I'm also confused its been a month since my first outbreak, recently I've been feeling his irritated feeling and occasionally itchy. It's no where as near as bad as my first time but I'm wondering if I should start taking my tablets again or will it pass because it's so minor?

I'm having no sexual relations wiith anyone at the moment, so there is not chance of me infecting anyone else.


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starrattadmin
Charter Member
2115 posts
Jul-07-13, 07:44 PM (CST)
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8. "RE: recently found out i have hsv2... need support"
In response to message #7
 
If the symptoms aren't terribly bothersome, you don't have to take the medication. But if you notice the sensation stirring up you can always try a course of whatever antiviral you've been prescribed to see if it settles down sooner. Subsequent outbreaks usually are less intense than your initial OB.

Having said that there are other run of the mill things that can cause irritation down yonder, yeast being amongst them. So if the antivirals don't help and things get worse go back and see your doctor.

With/without treatment symptoms do get less bothersome as time goes by. During the first year or so is when people have the worst problems with outbreaks--some more than others.

Be well,
Lorraine

Hoe eet jy 'n olifant? Bietjie vir bietjie.
(Translation from Afrikans: How do you eat an elephant? Bit by bit.)


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