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Subject: "Now what..."     Previous Topic | Next Topic
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Conferences Under 25, (Give or take a few) Topic #1904
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Member since Sep-13-13
1 posts
Sep-13-13, 08:39 PM (CST)
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"Now what..."
   I'm a 19 year old college student, i'm attractive, outgoing, I work with kids... I'm so ashamed. I just got back from the clinic, I went there because my "best friend" told me that our roommate, who I have been sleeping with, might have an STD. She didn't mention it even though she KNEW until a few times after we already had sex, for pretty selfish reasons. I'm hurt that she didn't inform me sooner, since I had no idea. Now I found out I have herpes and I don't know what to do, I obviously can't trust her. I don't feel comfortable telling anyone at all, I'm even too scared to confront the guy who I think gave it to me. I read online that symptoms might not show up for months... what if it's from someone else? What if I have been infecting people and I didn't even know it? The sores showed up just a few days after we had sex without a condom, now I don't need a lecture because I know it's dumb to have sex with your roommate, and I know it's even dumber to have sex without a condom but sometimes things just HAPPEN. Well fuck my life because now it happened and I have herpes for the rest of my life, and get to live with the guy who gave it to me. I just feel so disgusting, like there is such a stigma, although I know many people have it.. I can not accept that fact that I have it too. So that's why I came here, I was reading a lot of stuff online but it wasn't making me feel that much better. I thought maybe if I shared my story and got it off my chest it might help. I feel so betrayed, and dirty.. I already had pretty low self esteem, now I don't know why anyone would ever want to be with me. I can't even look myself in the mirror because I'm so hurt by the fact that I now carry this incurable disease, that I once made fun of people for having. I guess that's life, and now I know I need to cope, BUT HOW? I would appreciate any suggestions, advice or stories... I guess I just want to talk to someone who understands cause I know none of my friends or family ever would, and I could never live it down if this got out about me. Anyone else feel the same way?

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Member since Sep-9-07
2453 posts
Sep-14-13, 11:45 AM (CST)
Click to EMail Raven00144 Click to send private message to Raven00144 Click to view user profileClick to add this user to your buddy list Click to send message via ICQ  
1. "RE: Now what..."
In response to message #0
   First of all, slow down and breathe in and out. This can be overwhelming at first, but it really is not in the long run once you give yourself time.

Did you have a blood test or a swab/culture of your sores? Was your test typed as HSVI or HSVII? You can call the doctor/lab to have your test results typed as knowing your type and the location is important. HSV has a mind of its own but there are a few constants that go with each type depending on their location. I am guessing that your sores were genital so we need to know if they are type I or type II. If you can get a copy of your test results, you may post them here minus the personal information and the great people here will interpret them for you.

You do not need to share this personal information with anyone other than your doctor and the person that you are going to have sex with. Your family/friends do not need to know. Once the information is put out there, it is out there--a good thing to remember about many things in life.

Once you know your type you can become better educated on it which includes taking meds to prevent Outbreaks and to protect a partner. In the Valtres study (one of the meds that you can take)it was found that 1 in 4 women/5 men will test positive for HSVII and 90% of these people will be surprised since they have never has symptoms or symptoms that they could blame on something else. This alone tells you how common this virus is. I have had this virus for well over 20 years, in fact I do not remember the exact year. I have been engaged 4 times and two of these were with men that also have HSVII. These engagements ended due to non HSV related issues. You can go on to love and be loved and to engage in sex. Life is not over for you unless you allow it to be. In the long run and in time you will see this virus as a pest at best for the most of us.

To get started on learning about this virus, there is a free handbook on this site that you can download. I recently reread it and it is kept up to date and is full of good information--Information that was not easily available when I caught this virus all those years ago. Take the time to read this handbook and come back here with any questions you have.


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Charter Member
2070 posts
Sep-16-13, 08:16 AM (CST)
Click to EMail starratt Click to send private message to starratt Click to view user profileClick to add this user to your buddy list  
2. "RE: Now what..."
In response to message #0
Just because we "should" do something doesn't mean that most people do. Don't kick yourself for just being human. Your life is not over.

Assuming you caught this from your current sexual partner and he had some inkling that he had it, the burden of informing partners falls on him, not your friend. It is not your friend's job to be policing what conversations you and your sexual partners have before getting intimate let alone what precautions you take. There may be other things going on between you and your friend that tell you that she is not your friend, but don't rely on your friends to do your own due diligence where sexual behavior is concerned.

Having said that, he may not have known what he had. About 90% of people who have genital herpes don't realize what they have because the symptoms are very mild. Standard STD screens do not look for herpes, so he may not have ever been tested for it. (Stupid I know, but there you go.)

Also, given your age group, if you and this guy had oral sex (i.e. he gave you oral sex) there is a good chance that what you have is HSV1 genitally as he may have the cold sore virus and have passed that onto you genitally.

In a nutshell. Call the clinic and make sure they are typing whatever tests you are having done so you can sort out what you have/don't have.

YOUR SEXUAL AND DATING LIFE IS NOT OVER. It may take some time to wrap your brain around things but there are lots of people on this site you can attest that they have gone on to have fantastic sexual/romantic relationships. You'll still be able to have healthy kids and enjoy life even though you may doubt that at the moment.

Be well,

Hoe eet jy 'n olifant? Bietjie vir bietjie.
(Translation from Afrikans: How do you eat an elephant? Bit by bit.)

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