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Subject: "Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue"     Previous Topic | Next Topic
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spartan
Member since May-4-09
86 posts
Dec-05-12, 06:25 PM (CST)
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"Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue"
 
   means you simply dodged a bullet.

If you are no longer "good enough" for that person it was either doomed anyway or that person's a real douche.

Stay happy, folks. Don't let this bring you down for a second.


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  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
  RE: Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue reality check Jan-10-13 1
     RE: Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue starrattadmin Jan-11-13 2
         RE: Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue reality check Jan-14-13 3
             RE: Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue Raven00144 Jan-17-13 4
  RE: Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue NegOne Feb-12-13 5
  RE: Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue Cheek99 Feb-14-13 6

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reality check
Member since Jan-10-13
2 posts
Jan-10-13, 10:01 PM (CST)
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1. "RE: Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue"
In response to message #0
 
   I'm trying to keep this thought in the back of my mind although it is very difficult to do so right now. I told my guy last night and it did not go well at all. We had started a sexual relationship about two months ago...although he always used a condom...but I just told him last night. I can understand his reaction of shock, anger and fear. I just wish he would have let me educate him before he walked out on me. If my heart hadn't been breaking into pieces, some of his statements would have caused me to laugh hysterically. Now all I can do is sit back and pray that he will do his own research (I did provide this website address) and find his way back to me. I would love to someday be able to post on the success portion these chat boards. And if he never gives me another chance, at least I found out now rather than later.


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starrattadmin
Charter Member
2017 posts
Jan-11-13, 07:13 PM (CST)
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2. "RE: Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue"
In response to message #1
 
Even though the risk is minimal, telling after the fact generally does not go well. It's less to do with what the risk is/isn't and more to do with fundamental trust in a relationship. We expect people close to us to be upfront about things that could affect us and give us the power to choose.

When you tell after the fact, you take away that choice. His reaction may be a bit over the top, but if you had told before you had sex with this man you probably would have dealt with a more reasonable reaction.

Some folks on here will call it immoral not to tell up front. I don't go quite that far, but it is not a good strategy.

I flatly refused to date one guy I had met through the herpes dating sites at one point because he admitted to me that he didn't tell women up front that he had herpes.


Be well,
Lorraine

Hoe eet jy 'n olifant? Bietjie vir bietjie.
(Translation from Afrikans: How do you eat an elephant? Bit by bit.)


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reality check
Member since Jan-10-13
2 posts
Jan-14-13, 12:54 PM (CST)
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3. "RE: Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue"
In response to message #2
 
   I understand what you're saying and I do agree with you. I have certainly learned my lesson and will tell up front from now on. I didn't say anything to my guy beforehand because I was trying to develop trust with him and have him get to know me as a person first.

He had disappeared on me twice (meaning no calls, texts, nothing) and then he would reappear in my life. I found it hard to tell someone who I wasn't sure if it was going anywhere. As soon as it appeared he was staying, I told him. I know that's not a good reason but I didn't want to open myself up to someone who wasn't staying around.

All I can say is lesson learned and I will be upfront in the future.


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Raven00144
Member since Sep-9-07
2379 posts
Jan-17-13, 10:05 AM (CST)
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4. "RE: Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue"
In response to message #3
 
   I too am guilty of telling after the fact once--because it was a telling. Coming here I have learned that this is best handled in a discussion and not as a telling. Those of us with HSV should be having DISCUSSIONS and not CONFESSIONS prior to sex. Knowing the facts and remaining calm during this discussion goes a long way. This discussion is a mature one where you may talk about where the relationship is heading, birth control, past STD testing and anything else you may wish to discuss.

Try to remember that it is not what you say but how you say it and when you say it. Like mentioned earlier, telling after the fact brings up trust issues and trust is a hard thing to earn.

For the most of us, having this virus is just a pest at best in the whole scheme of life. If someone will not accept this, then they will not accept something much more traumatic and they have done you a favor in the long run. This may be difficult to see right now but you will in time.

Raven00144


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NegOne
Member since Feb-12-13
1 posts
Feb-12-13, 08:15 PM (CST)
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5. "RE: Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue"
In response to message #0
 
   I agree with you, Spartan. I am HSV 1/2 negative and recently married my soul mate who learned he was HSV 1/2 positive a couple of weeks ago. We have always used condoms and he started Acyclovir to protect me as soon as he found out. The only reason he was tested was because I was adamant about us getting complete STD testing prior to marriage if we were to not use condoms. However, we have agreed to stick with the same regimen of using condoms and him taking oral antiviral medication. We are very happy and I hope that every one who is looking for the right person will find them. Just know that you are doing the right thing when you disclose your positive status. If he/she doesn't want to stick around, they weren't worthy of your time anyway.

Be blessed!!!


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Cheek99
Member since Sep-1-08
205 posts
Feb-14-13, 03:07 PM (CST)
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6. "RE: Remember! Anyone who dumps you due to your little issue"
In response to message #0
 
   Most people have inadequate information on herpes, they don't get tested themselves so they are unaware of their status. They also make decisions based on the stigma around herpes rather than making informed decisions.

This is sad for both the person who is positive and the other person doing the rejection, who could be missing out on a great relationship or great safe sex.

Stay happy, stay informed!


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