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Subject: "So I met a guy who is positive ..."     Previous Topic | Next Topic
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Conferences Relationships Topic #1125
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Member since Dec-11-12
1 posts
Dec-11-12, 04:33 PM (CST)
Click to EMail Whyme99 Click to send private message to Whyme99 Click to view user profileClick to add this user to your buddy list  
"So I met a guy who is positive ..."
   I started dating a 46 year old divorced man over a month ago. After a couple of dates I gave him oral sex. Three days later I got a cold sore. I have had that before so I didn't overthink it. Well we were about to have sex a couple weeks later and I told him I still wanted to wait. Later that night, he texted and said that he wanted to tell me something personal. He has genital herpes. Says he takes medicine and has been dormant for 15 years. Says he got it from his ex wife.

So after processing all of this I thanked him for telling me. But I asked him if we could wait to have sex until I know we are "in this for the long haul". I told him I wasn't scared of getting it... As long as I knew it would be just the two of us... Down the road.

He told me that he was very hurt but that he understood that I couldn't accept him. I told him that's not the case.. I just want to make sure we don't have sex until I feel we are in a commited relationship. He said that he is commited to me... And he's not sleeping with anyone else. Which I am not either. But he's missing the point.

He said that he now feels like a "leper" and "dirty" and that he is shocked by my reaction. He said no one else has reacted this way.

He eventually said it's not that big of a deal and it's a "minor inconvenience". He says it would be shocking if I got it from him. He does not know about my cold site after giving him oral.

I feel really torn. I really like this guy. He said that he would be commited to taking things slow and he wants me to feel comfortable. But I must admit.. I question how he handled all of this.

Given the fact that I've NEVER been in this situation before... Could you tell me if his reaction is normal?


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Member since Sep-9-07
2375 posts
Dec-12-12, 10:49 AM (CST)
Click to EMail Raven00144 Click to send private message to Raven00144 Click to view user profileClick to add this user to your buddy list Click to send message via ICQ  
1. "RE: So I met a guy who is positive ..."
In response to message #0
   You are more likely to give your oral cold sores to someone's genitals rather than you getting their genital HSVII orally via oral sex. Oral HSV is the most contagious in the absence of symptoms and HSVII does not prefer the oral location. Since you have gotten cold sores in the past, I would say that performing oral may have just triggered an OB of a virus that you already have.

This virus is just a pest at best for the most of us and of course we do not want to give it to someone we care about. Those of us with HSV usually take relationships much more slower than those without HSV so that we can get to know a potential partner better. I do not understand why he feels like a leper just because you want to take things slower where you can not only get to know him better but also do research and learn about his virus.

If you question how he has handled all of this, you should discuss it with him as there could be more to this.


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