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Subject: "First date nerves and question..."     Previous Topic | Next Topic
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CBKMG
Member since Jul-3-09
5 posts
Dec-22-12, 01:36 AM (CST)
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"First date nerves and question..."
 
   I have my first date in over a year tomorrow, and the first since my last relationship. That relationship had lasted about 5 years and she was HSV2+. I've come to learn that my HSV2 could have come from her, but just as easily could have been my ex-wife. I've always had cold sores, though my rate of recurrence is less than 1 every other year.

Since having the type specific blood test recommended in the handbook so long ago I haven't spoken to anyone but my last GF about it. I'm not planning on discussing this on a first date, but I have a question about that. I've never had any genital OBs, and when I tested positive for HSV2 I suddenly had 3 cold sores within a few months (after exposure to my last GF). With the possibility of having both orally (however unlikely), if there were to be the possibility of a first date kiss (also unlikely) what should I say?

Having never been in this position before I feel conflicted about the timing of this discussion. Earlier because that's how I would've liked it myself (before exposure), and later because I'd like to first know if there's a possibility of anything between us. What are the thoughts on when this talk should happen? The topic itself doesn't bother me (I presented on STDs in a college health class). What has me unnerved is simply the timing. I'm personally fine with having this virus. I know it won't kill me, and is little more than a nuisance on an infrequent basis. The only reason I'm unnerved is the stigma and ignorance which still exists in the minds of others regarding HSV. Made obvious to me during that class presentation when my professor claimed everyone is born with HSV1 (yes there was a part of the presentation that addressed that misconception).

Thanks for any replies.

CBKMG


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  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
  RE: First date nerves and question... Raven00144 Dec-22-12 1
     RE: First date nerves and question... CBKMG Dec-23-12 2
         RE: First date nerves and question... Raven00144 Dec-23-12 3
             RE: First date nerves and question... Koolmom2008 Dec-24-12 4
                 RE: First date nerves and question... starrattadmin Dec-29-12 5
                     RE: First date nerves and question... Koolmom2008 Dec-31-12 6

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Raven00144
Member since Sep-9-07
2375 posts
Dec-22-12, 06:54 PM (CST)
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1. "RE: First date nerves and question..."
In response to message #0
 
   Those of us here with HSV of either type at either location recommend having a discussion not a confession with potential partner PRIOR to sex. We usually recommend NOT having this discussion on the first date unless sex is on the table for the first date. You do not need to throw everything out there on the first date as dating is the time to get to know someone.

Prior to this discussion, it would be good for you to become better educated on your types as there has been many strides made with this virus. Did you know that your oral cold sores are more contagious in the absence of symptoms than genital HSV is and can be passed via oral sex? What type of testing have you had done to know that you have HSVII? There is a free handbook by Teri Warren on this site that you can download for free. This handbook if full of updated information.

Education is the key to helping dispel this bad stigma. This education needs to start with those of us that have HSV by getting to know as much about our type as possible and then educating others.

Have a great first date.

Raven00144


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CBKMG
Member since Jul-3-09
5 posts
Dec-23-12, 02:41 AM (CST)
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2. "RE: First date nerves and question..."
In response to message #1
 
   Thank you for your reply Raven. A discussion about this on a first date isn't something I was planning to have. When I was first diagnosed it was after visiting this forum and reading the handbook. Like others I found the doctor lacking in knowledge of the tests and had to make a specific request for the correct blood testing (took the handbook with me to the appointment). The results came back positive for both. Cold sores are something I've always had, and my GF at the time told me her status (HSV2) after we were intimate. So being positive for both and the possibility of having both orally I wondered what thoughts would be on having the discussion before a first kiss. The only reason I wonder is the fact that I have both and while most people aren't concerned with HSV1, the real stigma is related to HSV2. I know it's a double standard, but it's what we have to deal with. Also, I know that for the discussion I don't want to make it a bigger issue than it really is, but I don't want to just gloss over it either.

BTW the first date went very well. Intended for it to be a short first meeting, but we ended up talking for two and a half hours. At the end I immediately asked for another date and she happily accepted.

CBKMG


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Raven00144
Member since Sep-9-07
2375 posts
Dec-23-12, 08:34 AM (CST)
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3. "RE: First date nerves and question..."
In response to message #2
 
   Great news on the first date!

Most people (about 60%) will test positive for HSVI and never remember ever getting a cold sore as this is usually gotten as children. Without symptoms, it is guessed that a positive HSVI result from a blood test is an oral infection. One in 4 women/5 men will test positive for HSVII and will be surprised as they have either had NO symptoms or mild ones that could be blamed on something else. This is why it is possible to have HSV and not know it. Oral HSVI is the most contagious in the absence of symptoms. Being that I have GSHVII, I let potential partners know before sex, but after I get to know them well enough to trust them with this type of information. Not having OHSVI, I am not sure how I would handle this but knowing now how contagious it is but also that most people already have it, I guess I would discuss this before kissing. If someone has the same virus as you, they will have the antibodies and you cannot reinfect someone with something that they already have. I am sure others may chime in to give advice on this one.

Enjoy your second date.

Raven00144


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Koolmom2008
Member since Apr-11-12
62 posts
Dec-24-12, 12:12 PM (CST)
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4. "RE: First date nerves and question..."
In response to message #3
 
   I should read the hand book before I ask this question but why is the HSV1 more contagious in the absent of symptoms then genital HSV2?

I caught mines from my ex who had cold sores on his lips every now and then so I'm assuming I have HSV1 genital,(I promise to get a blood test to know for sure), but to my knowledge he never had OB's on his genital.

But why is genital HVS2 less contagious then HSV1 in the absence of an OB or am I reading this wrong?


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starrattadmin
Charter Member
2012 posts
Dec-29-12, 02:43 AM (CST)
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5. "RE: First date nerves and question..."
In response to message #4
 
LAST EDITED ON Dec-29-12 AT 02:45 AM (CST)
 
Either type is highly contagious if you have an active OB going on regardless of location. (i.e. visible sore/blister).

HSV1 is more contagious if you have it orally. For whatever reason it likes to shed from the oral area. Most people who have Genital HSV1 likely contracted it from someone who has Oral HSV1 through oral sex.

HSV1 is actually LESS contagious if you have it genitally. It's away from it preferred location (the mouth) and doesn't tend to shed much {compared to HSV2 genitally) and it's unusual for HSV1 to be transmitted from a person who has it genitally in the absence of symptoms. MOST people with genital HSV1 have about 1 OB per year.

HSV2 is almost the exact opposite

HSV2 does not like to infect the oral area and it definitely doesn't like to shed from the oral area. People who manage to contract oral HSV2 typically have one OB (their initial OB) and then maybe a second OB, and then that's it. Someone with oral HSV2 doesn't tend to shed it enough orally to transmit it.

HSV2 likes the genital area and likes to shed whether or not you are having symptoms. Granted this isn't happening all the time (something in the neighborhood of 5% chance per year in a person with an established case of HSV2 -- i.e. infected more than a year).

I hope this helps.

Be well,
Lorraine

Hoe eet jy 'n olifant? Bietjie vir bietjie.
(Translation from Afrikans: How do you eat an elephant? Bit by bit.)


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Koolmom2008
Member since Apr-11-12
62 posts
Dec-31-12, 03:51 PM (CST)
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6. "RE: First date nerves and question..."
In response to message #5
 
   Yes that explains it.

I need to find out my status on which type I have ASAP. I think it's the HSV1 as my ex use to get cold sores.


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