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Subject: "Snitching friends"     Previous Topic | Next Topic
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Member since Sep-12-13
9 posts
Sep-12-13, 04:58 PM (CST)
Click to EMail LRain_6886 Click to send private message to LRain_6886 Click to view user profileClick to add this user to your buddy list  
"Snitching friends"
   Have had herpes for 26 years now. I've always been honest and up front with potential partners and have yet to be rejected(seems improbable but it is true). I had over the years confided in a few friends and had a previous boyfriend blab it to the world.

I live in a small city-not exactly like a small town but things can still get around as far as gossip. A few times, when I've had the "talk", I would find out that this person already knew. Even though they were cool with it, I found out that someone had already told them when they discovered the guy was dating me.

It seems that there are folks out there that assume that people with herpes are predatory and are not going to tell potential partners and that they MUST warn the other person. It irritates me to no end that they assume that is my character when it is so far from the truth.

I knew another girl who got it from her 1st husband after he cheated on her. She had it so bad she had to be hospitalized. She confided in a few friends and it got around. They divorced soon after. She went on to date a friend of mine, and he told me that when her friends found out she was going out with him, they called him to warn him not to date her. She was honest with him from the beginning and he did not run away. She was very upset that her so-called friends would do this.

Have any of you ever experienced this and how did you deal with it?

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Charter Member
2098 posts
Sep-16-13, 08:25 AM (CST)
Click to EMail starratt Click to send private message to starratt Click to view user profileClick to add this user to your buddy list  
1. "RE: Snitching friends"
In response to message #0
There is a down side to small town politics and this may be it.

I'm not justifying the behavior, but as I once lived in a small city I know how people often have nothing better to do than talk about things that don't concern them.

In your/your friends' shoes I would consider (depending on how close of friends these busy bodies really are) sitting down and having a frank discussion about how hurt I was to learn that they had taken it upon themselves to inform someone I was dating about something so private. I would assure them that I have never failed to inform a sexual partner about my herpes status so they don't need to do that for me.

Having said that is my general experience is this might not work as people tend to do what they are going to do. But at least if it happens again they'll have some inkling as to why you aren't bothering to associate with them any further.

Be well,

Hoe eet jy 'n olifant? Bietjie vir bietjie.
(Translation from Afrikans: How do you eat an elephant? Bit by bit.)

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Member since Jun-21-10
373 posts
Sep-16-13, 08:46 AM (CST)
Click to EMail deb54 Click to send private message to deb54 Click to view user profileClick to add this user to your buddy list  
2. "RE: Snitching friends"
In response to message #1
   Yes I live in a rural area and there will always be those who gossip. I don't worry about what people say about me and don't let it bother me. My friends and family know I have herpes and since I treat it matter of factly so do they. But snitching friends aren't really your friends. Maybe your "friends" just need to be educated about herpes because I'm sure that some of them have herpes too and probably aren't even aware.

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