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Dakota Dave
Member since Nov-25-08
1 posts
Nov-25-08, 01:08 PM (CST)
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"lonely"
 
   this is my first time even admitting to anyone other than my doctor that i have hpv. i was diagnosed 8 years ago and have been alone celabut ever since. i don't know how you start a relationship when the first thing you would have to say is i have hpv. i am afriad of giving it to someone, and couldn't live with that. i guess i am thinking if i met somone who already had it, that it might be ok to be intersted in someone again. is this flawed thinking? am i the only one that thinks this way? am i destined to live a lonely life? i just don't know what to do any more. i just know that i can't stand to be alone any more. does anyone have some advice for me?


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  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
  RE: lonely auntiejessiadmin Nov-25-08 1
     RE: lonely gfcadmin Nov-25-08 2
  RE: lonely 1 sad girl Nov-27-08 3
     RE: lonely matt51 Feb-01-09 4
         RE: lonely silver lining Feb-01-09 5
             RE: lonely matt51 Feb-01-09 6
                 RE: lonely auntiejessiadmin Feb-01-09 7
                     RE: lonely sxandyzoe Jan-30-15 8
  RE: lonely Herpesdatingsites Jul-09-15 9
     RE: lonely Raven00144 Jul-13-15 10
         RE: lonely spartan Jan-30-16 11

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auntiejessiadmin
Member since May-14-05
18073 posts
Nov-25-08, 01:25 PM (CST)
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1. "RE: lonely"
In response to message #0
 
LAST EDITED ON Nov-25-08 AT 01:26 PM (CST)
 
Just to make sure, you have hpv, not hsv? HPV is warts, hsv is herpes.

If you had hpv 8 years ago, and haven't had any symptoms in years, then you aren't infectious anymore.

If you meant hsv, as in herpes, then I think you need to learn all you can about herpes, and realize that the transmission rates are lower than you probably think they are. I can go into the rates if you do have herpes.

You should also find out what type of herpes you have - you can have either type 1 or type 2 genitally, and the transmission rates are different for each. At best (worst?) there is about an 8-10% chance per year that you would transmit it to a female partner if you are male. If you are in same sex relationships, unfortunately, we have no studies on same sex transmission.

I think you are also forgetting everything else about you that makes you a great catch. Don't forget that there are lots of other parts of you, and having an std is just one little bitty part. If you really can't get over the transmission part, there are dozens and dozens of std dating sites you could try, and you could always date someone who has the same std you have, but again, you need to know what type you have, if you have herpes.

Aj

"In those times you seem to forget, I don't mind reminding you that you are a beautiful soul." ~ Cindy Campo

Paragraphs are beautiful things.

You can google, too.


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gfcadmin
Member since Sep-2-06
300 posts
Nov-25-08, 10:01 PM (CST)
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2. "RE: lonely"
In response to message #1
 
   Hey there,
First of all - congrats on telling someone other than your doc!! That's a great first step.

And here comes more good news - 70% of the population gets at least one type of hpv infection in their lifetime!!! And if it is hsv (sometimes causes sores/blisters) and not hpv (which as aj mentioned causes warts sometimes, and other times cervical cell changes) then still between 20-25% of the population has it!

So you are far far far from alone - in fact here on the board I think you'll find you are in very good company

This is absolutely no reason not to have sex!!!

Let us know more about your situation and we can help answer questions or just be good listening ears. Also, you might find reading some of the other threads helpful - it's always good to see that other people are dealing with the same thing.

-gfc


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1 sad girl
Charter Member
Nov-27-08, 01:51 PM (CST)
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3. "RE: lonely"
In response to message #0
 
   Way to go on telling someone else. I know it def. makes things a little easier. You don't have to immediately tell someone you have hpv either, unless you feel like disclosing it early on to avoid anyone getting hurt or feeling betrayed in the long run, if you end up with a lasting kind of relationship. No, you are not the only one that thinks that way, I did, and still do sometimes when I am having a bad day. Yes, it is flawed thinking though!! . Std of any sort, we are just as good as the next person ok. I am trying to convince myself of this too!!! You are not destined to live a lonely life. You are destined to live the life YOU choose. Treat relationships the way you would without this, then just factor it in by telling your partner when you are ready ok. As long as you are honest and tell them armed with the proper information/facts about it, you and your partner should be fine.

Best wishes to you.


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matt51
Member since Apr-20-07
556 posts
Feb-01-09, 07:06 AM (CST)
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4. "RE: lonely"
In response to message #3
 
   You need to get on an std dating site, or post on craigslist dave. Its not really how most of us would want to meet someone, but its better then nothing. Maybe youll get lucky and find someone. Its def worth a shot


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silver lining
Member since Aug-19-08
927 posts
Feb-01-09, 01:16 PM (CST)
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5. "RE: lonely"
In response to message #4
 
   what? HPV? at this point i hardly know anyone who doesn't have that. this guy by no means has to go on an STD dating site. matt, get real.

i just posted a suggestion for people telling partners that they have HSV2 on another thread in this section. just replace the words type 2 herpes with HPV, and "20-25" with more like 80%.

and leave the part about the stigma out. at this point, there is no stigma against HPV. it is way too common.

http://loveinthetimeofherpes.blogspot.com/


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matt51
Member since Apr-20-07
556 posts
Feb-01-09, 07:11 PM (CST)
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6. "RE: lonely"
In response to message #5
 
   i am not that knowledgeable about hpv, but he hasnt told anyone about hpv ever, and has been celebate for 8 years, it might make it easier to get out there a bit....maybe? but yeah, i dunno if its that common, then get out there and date then..........


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auntiejessiadmin
Member since May-14-05
18073 posts
Feb-01-09, 08:22 PM (CST)
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7. "RE: lonely"
In response to message #6
 
And his HPV infection is probably long gone by now anyway. If he meant HPV and not herpes, then he doesn't need an std site.

And yes, its THAT common.

Aj

"In those times you seem to forget, I don't mind reminding you that you are a beautiful soul." ~ Cindy Campo

Paragraphs are beautiful things.

You can google, too.


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sxandyzoe
Member since Jan-30-15
1 posts
Jan-30-15, 03:57 AM (CST)
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8. "RE: lonely"
In response to message #7
 
   I don't know about you, but I would feel like shit if I kissed a girl, or better, and it turned out I transmitted the virus without even giving her the opportunity to back out of the whole thing.
As you can tell, that is how I got involved with all this. She knew and never had the decency to tell me. Now, regardless of how compatible we are/were, there was no chance this was going anywhere, because I am PISSED!

Also, I happen to have just a touch more respect for human health that I do not want to have any part of this. I will risk a rejection or two, because the alternative just makes me sick.

Sxandyzoe


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Herpesdatingsites
Member since Jun-24-15
2 posts
Jul-09-15, 06:28 AM (CST)
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9. "RE: lonely"
In response to message #0
 
   LAST EDITED ON Jul-25-15 AT 09:32 AM (CST) by Rajah (admin)
 
Hello there Dave,
I completely understand why You feel like that. I had the same problem when I was starting the fight with herpes. For 2 years, I didn't have anyone, and I was lonely too. But, there is something You need to know. It don't need to be like that. You can change it. By this, I don't mean You can date whoever You want and enjoy your life like you don't have herpes. I mean that You should look for somebody with the same problem. In my case, I found a beautiful woman on herpes dating sites, and You can find tones of them on the internet. Believe me, since we have the same problem, this is the honest relationship I ever had. In my case, I found her on this website ----- and I will recommend You to visit it. Of course You can find many others, but for me this one was the best. Don't give up. In my case, herpes was the fact that helped me to find this beautiful woman who sleep next to me. Just change the angle from which You're looking

Herpes is normal think, we
need to get use to it and
continue with our life.


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Raven00144
Member since Sep-9-07
2539 posts
Jul-13-15, 05:17 PM (CST)
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10. "RE: lonely"
In response to message #9
 
   You CAN live your life anyway you wish. A large percentage of our population has HSV and most do not even know it. After meeting someone new and having the DISCUSSION and not a CONFESSION, you will find others that have the same virus and you will find others that will respect you for having the courage of having such a discussion with them. Many will come to realize that once they become educated on this virus that you are worth the small risk of catching such a common virus.

You do not have to limit yourself to HSV dating sites unless you wish to in order to get your feet wet with dating again. There are many couples here on this site that are with negative partners and have been for years. Precautions can be taken to prevent the transmission of this virus. You are still the great person that you were prior to becoming HSV positive.

Raven00144


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spartan
Member since May-4-09
98 posts
Jan-30-16, 01:12 AM (CST)
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11. "RE: lonely"
In response to message #10
 
   Herpes shmerpes. If someone's not willing to give you a shot that's their problem. Fuck it. Like anyone on this planet is perfect. You'll be absolutely fine.


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