In 1990 I dated a guy who told me about his herpes and all we did was use condoms occasionally and he would tell me when it wasn't a good time to have sex. One time we actually had sex while he has "healing" and used a condom. (My choice to have sex.) I never had any symptoms after that relationship ended, so I always assumed I didn't get it.
Between 1990 and 2002, I dated a LOT of guys and was pretty good about condom use - like maybe 75% of the time used a condom. There was never another guy during that time who told me he had herpes, and I never brought it up with anybody because I assumed I didn't have it. It just never came up. Pretty bad, I know.
In 2002, I hooked up with another guy who had herpes and we again used condoms sometimes, and he would tell me when it wasn't a good time. I got herpes while dating him. Or, I should say I finally had herpes symptoms while I was dating him. He seemed to have a lot of outbreaks, though, more than I remember the first guy having.
I think I got it from the second guy because I had a really bad outbreak while we were together that I assumed was my primary. Then I had regular outbreaks for a couple of years after supposedly being infected by him, whereas I never had any in the years prior.
So I always assumed I got it from the second guy.
Both of them had had herpes for decades when I met them.
I haven't had any sex since 2005, when the herpes guy and I broke up. Nobody I've dated since then has been willing to deal with it.