LAST EDITED ON Jun-04-12 AT 10:39 PM (CDST) by Rajah (admin)
Over the course of a year, from a male with HSV-II to a negative female, if all you do is avoid sex during symptoms, the risk is 8-10%.
If you also use condoms OR if you are taking antivirals daily, the risk is 4-5%
If you use condoms AND take suppressive therapy, it's ~2%.
When you talk to her, be sure to explain that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men has HSV-II and about 90% of them don't even realize it. If she hasn't had a type-specific IgG blood test lately, she should get tested to see if she might be positive without realizing it.
It's entirely possible that she will not want to take the risk, but the chances are also good that she will be fine with it. People here have had pretty good luck with negative partners. It helps if you are thinking positively (not presuming she'll drop you like a hot potato! ) and have the discussion calmly and matter-of-factly. Discussing your sexual histories and suggesting you both get STD testing done and then share the results is never a bad idea. Don't forget it isn't all about your Herpes. If you don't have a conversation and hopefully see her test results, you don't know if she has an STD you'd like to know about.
If you have't seen it already, you might check out the Herpes Handbook http://www.westoverheights.com/freebook.html to make sure you're up to date on the info. Also it's a good resource to suggest to her if she wants more info. Another good, accurate source is www.ashastd.org.
I can't promise you that it will go perfectly with her, but you'll never know unless you have the conversation. Yeah, it might end up being embarrassing, but it could also end up really nicely, too.
Good luck, and let us know what happens.