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Subject: "Transmission"     Previous Topic | Next Topic
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Hopefull
Member since Apr-14-09
4 posts
Apr-14-09, 08:37 PM (CST)
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"Transmission"
 
   I was just wondering what the transmission rates are of catching HSV2 from Male to Female when you are not experiencing symptoms. I have had this for about five years and I have met someone that I am going to have to tell about this. I am very frightened because I don't know what the reaction is going to be and I really like this girl a lot. Chances are she is probably drop me like a hot potato. I did a little research and a few polls taken indicated that people without this condition would most likely not get involved with people that have HSV2. She has already told me that she is very sexual so I don't know what is going to happen. I constantly hear negative talk about herpes on the radio and in general conversation with my friends. Although, you would be amazed of how many people that I have seen at my job with cold sores. I am just thinking should I just stick with the dating websites for people with herpes or should I take my chances with possibility embarrassment


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  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
  RE: Transmission C16679admin Apr-14-09 1
     RE: Transmission crazylife Apr-15-09 2
         RE: Transmission Angelika Apr-15-09 3
             RE: Transmission Hopefull Apr-15-09 4
                 RE: Transmission Angelika Apr-15-09 5
                     RE: Transmission Hopefull Apr-18-09 6
                         RE: Transmission C16679admin Apr-18-09 7
                             RE: Transmission Hopefull Apr-23-09 8
                                 RE: Transmission C16679admin Apr-24-09 9
                 RE: Transmission hummingbird31 May-28-09 10
     RE: Transmission likelihood Oct-20-10 12
  RE: Transmission invic Jul-24-09 11
  RE: Transmission DanielTaylor Oct-05-12 13

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C16679admin
Member since Aug-29-06
9733 posts
Apr-14-09, 08:56 PM (CST)
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1. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #0
 
   LAST EDITED ON Jun-04-12 AT 10:39 PM (CDST) by Rajah (admin)
 
Over the course of a year, from a male with HSV-II to a negative female, if all you do is avoid sex during symptoms, the risk is 8-10%.

If you also use condoms OR if you are taking antivirals daily, the risk is 4-5%

If you use condoms AND take suppressive therapy, it's ~2%.

When you talk to her, be sure to explain that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men has HSV-II and about 90% of them don't even realize it. If she hasn't had a type-specific IgG blood test lately, she should get tested to see if she might be positive without realizing it.

It's entirely possible that she will not want to take the risk, but the chances are also good that she will be fine with it. People here have had pretty good luck with negative partners. It helps if you are thinking positively (not presuming she'll drop you like a hot potato! ) and have the discussion calmly and matter-of-factly. Discussing your sexual histories and suggesting you both get STD testing done and then share the results is never a bad idea. Don't forget it isn't all about your Herpes. If you don't have a conversation and hopefully see her test results, you don't know if she has an STD you'd like to know about.

If you have't seen it already, you might check out the Herpes Handbook http://www.westoverheights.com/freebook.html to make sure you're up to date on the info. Also it's a good resource to suggest to her if she wants more info. Another good, accurate source is www.ashastd.org.

I can't promise you that it will go perfectly with her, but you'll never know unless you have the conversation. Yeah, it might end up being embarrassing, but it could also end up really nicely, too.

Good luck, and let us know what happens.

C.


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crazylife
Member since Mar-4-09
105 posts
Apr-15-09, 10:41 AM (CST)
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2. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #1
 
   ok, so this is wht you should say to her.

tell her you have good news and possibly bad news. tell her that you are very sexually attracted to her. that you think she is sexy and beautiful and funny and whatever else you like about her. then tell her that the bad news is that what you are about to tell her, she might drop you like a hot potato, but that you really need to be up front with her.

then end the convo on another pro. like, i understand if that freaks you out. freaked me out too. i am very aware of the virus i have and have taken every precaution possible not to pass it on to others. which i am almost 100% positive hasn't ever happened.

(sorry for the long dialogue... in a way, i typing out what i will potentially tell a partner in the future...)


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Angelika
Member since Aug-18-08
2252 posts
Apr-15-09, 10:52 AM (CST)
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3. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #2
 
   Eh. I don't think you should tell her something like "what I am about to tell you might make you drop me like a hot potato" or "I understand if that freaks you out, it freaked me out too"

Instead I would try to be calm and matter of fact about it. First of all, most people already have herpes, most people don't have genital herpes but they have herpes nonetheless. If she were totally herpes negative for both types (and she wouldn't know for sure if she were unless she got tested) then she would be at risk for getting herpes from the majority of people (oral hsv1 sheds about the same as genital hsv2). So if she dropped you, she would most likely end up with someone else who also had the ability to give her genital and maybe oral herpes. Most people don't know they have it which makes them way more risky to have sex with than someone like you who does know and can and does take precautions.

I would try to put a positive spin on it. And maybe ask her to get mutual STD testing done before you tell her so that both of you know what both of you have when you are having this discussion. This is not just about what you have and might potentially give her, it's also what she might have and might potentially give you. It's just fair that she also gets tested.

Who among mortals may boast himself born with a fortune beyond reach of harm? - Aeschylus


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Hopefull
Member since Apr-14-09
4 posts
Apr-15-09, 08:55 PM (CST)
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4. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #3
 
   I really appreciate all of the advice. I am going to tell her before anything happens. I was in a relationship that I didn't want to be in for a long time because I was afraid and dreaded the day that I would have to have this conversation. The person I was with was also HSV2 positive so it didn't really matter. This girl I dated always would bring up the fact that I had herpes whenever we would get in a fight which even made it more difficult to leave her because I figured who would want me. I have one more question; the fact that I have had this for 5 years and have only 3 outbreaks a year make me shed the virus less.


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Angelika
Member since Aug-18-08
2252 posts
Apr-15-09, 09:02 PM (CST)
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5. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #4
 
   LAST EDITED ON Apr-15-09 AT 09:04 PM (CST)
 
Not necessarily. People with 10 or more outbreaks a year do shed more than people with less outbreaks than that, but there doesn't seem to be a difference in the average amount of shedding in people who have 9 outbreaks a year and people who have one or none.

But, everyone does shed differently. So you could be shedding very little or you could be shedding a lot. The only way to find out would be to do daily PCR swabbing for a few months to see your shedding rate.

One piece of good news: Even if you do shed a lot, it doesn't mean that you are necessarily shedding enough virus to actually infect another person. Some people on this site have participated in shedding studies and some were shedding more than average and still have negative partners.

Who among mortals may boast himself born with a fortune beyond reach of harm? - Aeschylus


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Hopefull
Member since Apr-14-09
4 posts
Apr-18-09, 02:14 AM (CST)
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6. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #5
 
   Is she going to consider 8% high and why is it so much higher than female to male transmission rate of 4%? I haven't told her yet but I will have to soon. Will I be able to have sex like I use too? This really scares me because I know of the stigma that goes with this disease. How many males have sex without condoms and suppressive therapy and have not given this to anyone.

Thanks


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C16679admin
Member since Aug-29-06
9733 posts
Apr-18-09, 01:40 PM (CST)
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7. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #6
 
   It just seems like women are more susceptible to getting STDs, probably something to do with our anatomy--that's why the transmission rates are different.

If you have a partner who is accepting of the risk, you can any kind of sex you want to.

C.


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Hopefull
Member since Apr-14-09
4 posts
Apr-23-09, 10:07 PM (CST)
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8. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #7
 
   Well, I told her and she was pretty cool with it and still wanted to be with me. The setting was what I wanted it to be but things were starting to heat up and I had to tell her. I gave her all of the information on it and also gave her this website which is what she spent most of her time on doing research. She has assured me that it will never come in the middle of our relationship and she only wanted to discuss once and that is it. After doing her research she couldn't believe that she didn't know have of the information about how this virus can be spread without symptoms. She said it definitley gave her a new perspective on things. She only asked me if I would go on the suppressive therapy. My question is does Valtrex have any long term side effects. I have heard stories that it causes hair loss and kidney problems


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C16679admin
Member since Aug-29-06
9733 posts
Apr-24-09, 04:21 AM (CST)
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9. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #8
 
   I'm glad it went well talking w/ her! She sounds like a very sensible person.

The antivirals are very safe even w/ longterm use--they've been around a couple of decades now, so there's decent info. Grace has been on the meds suppressively for the better part of 20 yrs. W/ no probs.

The meds do not cause kidney problems. That was more of a concern when they were new, but it has not proven to be an issue if you are healthy. They're safe enough that there's no monitoring req'd.--some drugs do have risks and then docs have to do reg. tests, but that's not the case for antivirals.

As for hair loss, it *can* be a side effect, but it seems pretty rare. I don't recall any men complaining of that, though I know a few women have. Many more folks here take the meds w/ no side effects. All you can do is try. Even w/ hair loss, the people said their hair came back when they stopped the meds. If you have side effects on one antiviral, you can try another; even though they're similar, some folks do better on one vs. another.

C.


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hummingbird31
Member since May-28-09
1 posts
May-28-09, 02:43 PM (CST)
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10. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #4
 
   I was in a relationship that I didn't want to be in for a long time because I was afraid and dreaded the day that I would have to have this conversation. The person I was with was also HSV2 positive
so it didn't really matter.

I'm Female with the same situation.. I've just left my ex who gave me HVS2, who decided not to tell me cuz he didn't feel I would stay.. I went back to him even after I found out, because I was too scared, didn't think anyone would want me! Well, he cheated on me again and I left for good.. Now I have an awesome guy, who I'm scared to tell. We have stayed the night together but nothing more.. We get along soo well, I've known him for years, just recently started talking again.. He has been telling my friend that he is falling for me, and told me as well.. I told him I wanted to wait, but I haven't told him why.. I never have told anyone and I dont even know how to start this conversation!! Kinda feelin lost..


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likelihood
Member since Oct-20-10
6 posts
Oct-20-10, 01:08 AM (CST)
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12. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #1
 
   I know I have HSV 1 and am with a partner that I plan on marrying one day. I have recently noticed a sort of rash on my scrotum. Although she knows that I have cold sores and fever blister's I am weary that I might have either transmitted this disease to her and then she transmitted it back to me. We have been together for 6 months and before I was sexually active. She has not had sex in a couple of year's or so she say's. I was wondering was there anyway i could have possibly given this to her and her not have any symptoms of this virus. Or could I have gotten it before her and just now noticed it on my genitals and if that were the case wouldn't myself and her have shown symptoms on the previous 6 month's.

I really appreciate all the insight and info you could give me on
this thanx


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invic
Member since Jul-24-09
9 posts
Jul-24-09, 03:48 PM (CST)
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11. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #0
 
   LAST EDITED ON Jul-24-09 AT 04:11 PM (CST)
 
I have never had to tell anyone about this - I am new to it but I think it is all in the delivery. The bottom line is that this disease doesnt define you, make you less of a partner or make you a social outcast unless you let it.

When I tell the next person that I get serious with I will probably start out by explaining the symptoms that I experience and that for the most part it isnt a big deal. I think the public stigma makes it worse... it is a sore on your genitals. Big deal.

It is embarrassing and can make you feel alone but if someone really loves you they wont care.... what is that old saying?? - 'warts and all'...lol.

If you approach it by being ashamed or grossed out - the person you are telling will perceive you to be that.

I have a friend that has had herpes for over 10 years - he is happily married, has children and his wife doesnt have it. He takes medication - not sure which one.


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DanielTaylor
Member since Oct-5-12
10 posts
Oct-05-12, 12:55 PM (CST)
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13. "RE: Transmission"
In response to message #0
 
   LAST EDITED ON Oct-05-12 AT 04:55 PM (CDST) by Rajah (admin)
 
I think this is common in most of the people. Generally people are frightened about this and this virus affects the genitals, the cervix, as well as the skin in other parts of the body. I think it is not good to stick only with dating sites but you need a serious conversation with that girl.


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