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L
Guest
Mar-20-04, 12:43 PM (CST)
 
"so you told and now what...?"
 
   just wondering for my own little statistics, how many people have you told, and how many of them were ok with a relationship, how many were not?


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  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
  RE: so you told and now what...? Yoshi2me Mar-20-04 1
  Never had anyone run.. Rajahadmin Mar-21-04 2
  RE: so you told and now what...? KRK Mar-22-04 3
  RE: so you told and now what...? Beaugirly Mar-24-04 4
     RE: so you told and now what...? willowind Mar-24-04 5
         RE: so you told and now what...? Beaugirly Mar-25-04 6
             RE: so you told and now what...? learntocope6 Dec-22-10 7
                 RE: so you told and now what...? Raven00144 Jan-02-11 8
     RE: so you told and now what...? adriana21 Sep-02-11 10
  RE: so you told and now what...? enesem Aug-05-11 9
  RE: so you told and now what...? mb123 Jul-20-12 11
     RE: so you told and now what...? Struggling8 Nov-26-13 12
         RE: so you told and now what...? starrattadmin Nov-26-13 13
  RE: so you told and now what...? cheetos Mar-13-14 14
  RE: so you told and now what...? Gayla May-09-14 15

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Yoshi2me
Charter Member
Mar-20-04, 12:48 PM (CST)
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1. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #0
 
   I don't remember anybody ever rejecting me because I have herpes.
Does that help? Why do you ask?

Angela


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Rajahadmin
Charter Member
15503 posts
Mar-21-04, 01:18 PM (CST)
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2. "Never had anyone run.."
In response to message #0
 
Not that I had to tell all that many women. We took a very informal survey here a few years ago and found a 75% success rate.

"Do the Right Thing. It will gratify some people and astound the rest." - Mark Twain


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KRK
Guest
Mar-22-04, 06:22 PM (CST)
 
3. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #0
 
   I have told two men. One guy completely rejected me, out of fear, I think. Now I thank God he was "weeded out"!!!!! The second person I told just this week has been wonderfully accepting and said it doesn't make a difference to him at all....he's even been bending over backwards to make sure I know he's not going anywhere. I do believe he's a keeper!


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Beaugirly
Guest
Mar-24-04, 03:49 AM (CST)
 
4. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #0
 
   Hi L,

Since my diagnosis 5 years ago, I have told 3 men. And all of them were accepting of herpes.
Only 3 weeks ago I told my current boyfriend about herpes and he was like "oh...well...Why didn't you tell me this before? Now you have been worrying for nothing, because I really don't care about this. I think it's worse for you than for me. We can handle this. Easily."
We're really going strong. We're totally in love and we're having lots of passionate sex I'm on suppressives, tuned in to my body, we use condoms every time and there's nothing more we can do about it. I am still scared to transmit this nasty bug to him, but he told me he knows what he's dealing with (he has oral herpes already) and that I am worth it.

I have learned -again- that YOU are your own worst enemy when it comes to herpes. Everytime I needed to tell a partner about this, I got all nervous and insecure and scared...But in reality, they all reacted very calm, mature and understanding in contrary to how I thought they would react. Herpes is as big as you make it...and we, the carriers so to say, make it much bigger than we should.

Love,

Beau


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willowind
Guest
Mar-24-04, 04:06 PM (CST)
 
5. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #4
 
   Beau, may I ask how old are you? I have often wondered if people in the 30 and up age range are more accepting of herpes than the younger groups of people.


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Beaugirly
Guest
Mar-25-04, 02:26 AM (CST)
 
6. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #5
 
   Hi Willowind,

I am 23 years old and my current boyfriend is 27.
My first boyfriend after my diagnosis was 25 when I met him, and the second guy I slept with post-h was 24 at the time. Not one of them freaked out (on the contrary) and they all reacted almost the same way: happy that you told me, it doesn't matter to me, *hugs and kisses*
I also had the same feelings as you about herpes and age, but I guess it depends totally on the person, the level of care they feel for you and the relationship, and how they evaluate this information.
I really don't know. As you can see, all of the mid-twentiers I told didn't care at all even though I thought they would totally freak out.

Love,

Beau


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learntocope6
Member since Dec-8-10
7 posts
Dec-22-10, 03:18 PM (CST)
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7. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #6
 
   This thread has been very helpful....I know I am reading back pretty far but still. Gives me hope. I haven't had to tell yet, but am sure the time will come up soon. Am very very nervous about it. And I AM in my 30's.


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Raven00144
Member since Sep-9-07
2507 posts
Jan-02-11, 08:56 AM (CST)
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8. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #7
 
   I have not kept tract of how many people that I have told over the 20 plus, plus years that I have had this virus. I have been engaged three times and even with two men that also have HSV. One man had the discussion with me before I could have it with him. I do recall the only 'bad telling' that I had because it was a 'telling' and not a discussion. In addition to this bad telling, if I had paid attention to red flags that has already been given, then it would not have progressed to the discussion phase as there were enough signs given that I should have walked away.

EVERYONE that is planning on having sex with a new partner should be having this discussion and not just those with a STD/STI.

Once you are comfortable with having this virus yourself, you can calmly discuss this virus with others. Educating yourself as much as possible will arm you for this discussion. Knowledge is power and not just with HSV.

Those of us with this common virus have no choice but to accept having it. There is no cure, so we have to learn how to best accept having this virus. Only you can choose how you deal with something. You can be your own success.

Raven00144


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adriana21
Member since Aug-23-11
31 posts
Sep-02-11, 08:44 AM (CST)
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10. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #4
 
   I guess its not too late for me after all. I am just on my twenties as well and its my first few months of having it. I am in a stage that I browse day and night for information about it.

“God gives us tests not for Him
to see what we are made of, but
for us to see what we are made
up of”


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enesem
Member since Aug-5-11
2 posts
Aug-05-11, 09:52 AM (CST)
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9. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #0
 
   I've told one person almost 4 years ago, we are still together today and still very much in love yep *cheesy moment*


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mb123
Member since Jul-26-09
23 posts
Jul-20-12, 06:37 PM (CST)
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11. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #0
 
   In 22 years I have only had 2 rejections, and looking back I'm glad it happened that way, for other reasons other than for Herpes. I did have one relationship where the guy accepted it, insisted on wearing a condom, but still mentioned it, ALOT. When he made the statement, "We would probably be married now, if you didn't have Herpes." I decided it was time for him to go!!!!! No person is worth putting up with when they insist on beating you up emotionally. Although I believe that good communication is paramount, and a non infected partner has questions that need to be answered, no one should be subjected to statements like that!
Recently, I met a wonderful man who I can talk to about EVERYTHING. I am blown away by our ability to talk. I informed him of my status, he didn't care, and we have had the best sex I have ever experienced in my life. So, so far, a good experience, life is not over and I refuse to let my HSV1 status control my ability to have a happy life.


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Struggling8
Member since Nov-26-13
18 posts
Nov-26-13, 07:21 PM (CST)
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12. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #11
 
   I need some guidance. I keep reading these posts of guys being accepting to this. I ave told 2 guys, and they both rejected me. This last one is killing me (just happened 2 days ago). He took the first night to think about it. He came over the next night and told me that he is too scared to get it. If he knew I was the one that would be different, but 1 month into it its too hard to know that for certain. But he also told me that he was falling for me... Before I mentioned this.

Please help, I don't know I keep getting rejected. It doesn't change me as a person.


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starrattadmin
Charter Member
2111 posts
Nov-26-13, 11:09 PM (CST)
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13. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #12
 
Struggling -

I replied to your post on the main support page.

It's unfortunate that you've had bad luck with telling thus far. Take the time to get over this latest bump in the road and then when you are feeling a little less raw we can give you some tips for your next telling that may help you.

Take care,

Be well,
Lorraine

Hoe eet jy 'n olifant? Bietjie vir bietjie.
(Translation from Afrikans: How do you eat an elephant? Bit by bit.)


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cheetos
Member since Dec-22-08
140 posts
Mar-13-14, 10:58 AM (CST)
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14. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #0
 
   I have told 2 guys, both were accepting of it. Relationships fail for many different reasons. Herpes has never been the determining factor for success.


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Gayla
Charter Member
137 posts
May-09-14, 12:04 PM (CST)
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15. "RE: so you told and now what...?"
In response to message #0
 
About a year into my diagnosis, I stopped hiding altogether. I became fairly public about my status. I've told lots of people - have been rejected twice by "date potentials" but to be honest, I didn't think they were all that great - at least my herpes can be controlled - their attitudes were permanent.

My Herpes Story


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