Hey all!! I FINALLY decided to post my story because I know how much these stories helped me get the courage to tell!!!
I met a wonderful guy 7 months ago and had a crush on him for a while before we ended up going out... This was nerve racking because you know in the back of your mind that you HAVE to tell him something and he might judge you and run away!! I was not planning on telling him on our first date... however, that is not the way it went...
So... our date was an overnight date... (yes weird for a first date... I KNOW!!) and the ride there was long and we got to know eachother a little bit better by talking the whole time... well the bizarre thing is that he decided to tell me a story (cant remember how we got on this topic) about how a friend of his had cold sores all over his mouth and he thinks it is because he went to a rub and tug or seen some prostitute or something.... and the look on his face when he told this story was a look of disgust (first red flag) AHHHHH!!!! scary eh?? THEN he proceeded to tell me that he has OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder (OH NO!!!! second red flag) so this made the thought of having to tell him my secret THAT much scarier!! I was terrified of how the rest of the night was going to go ...
we ended up having an awesome time together and at the end of the night (after a lot of drinks mind you) we were doing some foreplay and we obviously were going to go further ... so the time had come right?? OH NO!!!! so I am sure that none of you have told ur partner this way hahaha
I stopped abruptly and said "I cannot have sex with you" and he looked confused and asked why... I said "now is not the time to tell you why... I just cant, its not going to happen" ... so after fifteen minutes of him being confused and asking me to tell him I was not thinking clearly because we had drank the whole bar lol I shouted "You wanna know why? You really wanna know why??" He said calmly "yes" .... "BECAUSE I HAVE HERPES... THATS WHY!!!!" he was silent for a few minutes ... and then said "I cannot believe that you just told me that ... WOW.... wow.... wow" (said wow a few more times too lol)
anyways I dont need to write the rest word for word because you get the picture...
He was sooo thankful that I told him... (I would never have it any other way because that is lying and that is how I got this virus so would not do that to anyone else) and to my surprise so was I ... Thankfully he was educated on this stuff (he is very smart) and decided that he didnt want that to get in the way!!! YAY!!! what a relief!! we have been together ever since and we still talk openly about the virus (he still has no signs of it) and we laugh about how the first night went down! lol I do NOT suggest telling people on the first date because you dont know who you can trust!!! I ended up doing this because it was the liquid courage talking!! if i had not drank so much that night there is NO way in hell I would have told him that quickly!! however, it worked out for the best and I lucked out with finding a guy that I could trust with that information!!
the moral of this story is that I TOO once thought that my love life would be non existent until I got the balls to tell my partners (he is not the first one I had told but it is still the same nerves involved) about the virus and have never gotten rejected yet (thankfully)
Trust me people appreciate the honesty when it comes to this virus (I know I would have) and they look at you differently when you tell them (in a good way) they know they can trust you and that you are a good person!!! The next day after I told him he kept saying how he couldnt believe I had told him and that I am a good person for doing so and he looks at me very differently and it made him like me a lot more!!! We have a very good relationship and trust eachother a lot and I think that night had a lot to do with it!!!
I used to be upset that I have this virus but now I am not because I would not be the person I am today... I would not have had the relationships and experiences I have... I like that when I tell my partners this information they don't judge me for it... that tells me what kind of person they are and it makes me like them that much more!! this virus has brought a lot of trust that I didnt have before it!! (I mean you are trusting people with a VERY personal secret... if you can trust them with this information then you can probably trust them with anything) it has made me think long and hard about who is worth my time and who is not!!! I have thought twice about a lot of people that I could have potentially dated because I did not trust them enough to tell them my secret (which means that I do not trust them enough to sleep with them...which means they are not for me!!) not even my best friends, sisters, or parents know that I have herpes... the only people that know are the few partners that I have chosen to tell!! (it is nobody's business except you and the person you are sleeping with!! THAT IS IT!!!) I tend to think that "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON" and this is no exception... I think that I got this virus for a reason... maybe because if I did not get it then my life would have been different somehow... maybe I would have gotten a worse disease (HIV? AIDS? HEPATITIS? Etc) maybe I would have gotten into some bad relationships with bad people.. maybe I would have ended up being promiscuous (I doubt it ... but it could happen)... maybe it happened so that I could find the right person (one who is accepting and caring and honest and trustworthy) GOOD things come from herpes... its not all bad!!!! I have been changed by herpes but not in a bad way... in a good way!! yes it has made me feel down and blue and like no one will ever love me again ... but that is temporary!! it has also made me a better person that is less judgemental (I dont think that everyone that has herpes is dirty or promiscuous anymore) it has made me more trustworthy (both in myself and others) it has confirmed to me that I AM a good person and that I DO deserve a happy life and a good partner, it makes me thankful that my life is as good as it is!! It reminds me that there are worse things in the world than having herpes (people are starving, homeless, scared, abused, neglected, have cancer, aids, and other life threatening illnesses) ... I mean come on people if herpes is our BIGGEST problem in life... we are LUCKY!!!!!
thanks for reading and hope it helps someone realize that life goes on.. and it gets better every day!!!!
SO KEEP SMILING!!!!!! xoxo