Ok, this website had helped me a lot in the past few days, and so I thought it was my return duty to post my success story. I got some really good ideas from reading other people's stories about how to tell the guy I was dating that I had herpes, so I hope that this will help some of you!!!
I am 24 years old, and I contracted herpes when I was 20. Since that time I have not dated ANYONE - I pushed people away because I was scared of ultimately having to tell them, and I also hadn't really met anyone I was sure I would want to be with. So it has been a long time, and I really like this guy I am with and wanted it to go further. But I was TERRIFIED about how to tell him and what I would say.
The other day we met in a near-by town to hang out before he went home for the holidays. I was so nervous, but I knew that I had to tell him so he could maybe have time to think while we were apart to decide whether or not he wanted to be with me.
This is what I told him - verbatim . . . I had to write it down and read it to him so I wouldn't forget what I wanted to say.
"There is something I need to tell you. I really like you, but I need to be honest with you and you need to know this before this goes any further. I am telling you this because I trust and respect you, and I want to protect you, and I want you to trust me completely. I have herpes. I know you may be disappointed and in shock, but it really isn't as bad as it seems - the worst part is the social stigma that is attached to it. Most of what people say about herpes is blown way out of proportion and makes it super scary and social-life killing. It isn't - but it is difficult. However, it doesn't have to mess up anything that happens with us, I guess it just depends on whether or not you think it would be worth the risk, which (according to many sources) is minimal if we are careful.
"So where we go from here is up to you, your choice. I know a lot of information and am completely willing to answer any questions. There is a lot of good (and bad) information on the internet, some of which is extremely helpful. I think that maybe, if you haven't made up your mind already, you should do a bit of research because that might help you decide what is best for you.
"I also want you to know that I did not get herpes from sleeping around and being easy - that's not who I am and I think you know that. This can and does happen to anyone, and is way more common than people think. I also want you to remember that I am still me, the same person you viewed me as 10 min ago, but now you know that I have an annoying and inconvenient skin rash - which is basically all herpes amounts to for me."
I had started crying while was reading this just because I was so nervous. But you know what he said??? "This absolutely changes nothing, and I feel even more strongly about you now because you told me. You are so brave and I know it took a lot for you to be able to tell me this, and I respect you even more for it. We are going to figure this out, we are going to be careful, and we are going to do whatever makes you feel comfortable. But I am not going anywhere..."
I can't imagine a better response, and I cried even harder after because I was so happy!!!
Ok, so one thing I learned is NOT to push people away because you think they won't understand. You are not giving yourself a chance, and you also won't see how great the guy that you are with potentially is. If he doesn't understand, then it is his loss cause we are still good people and worth being with.
So don't sell yourself short - if you like him and trust him, tell him!! You never know until you do!!
Good luck, and I hope my story will help some of you the way that other stories on this site helped me