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Subject: "A real relationship"     Previous Topic | Next Topic
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floresta
Member since Jun-29-10
1 posts
Jun-29-10, 11:18 AM (CST)
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"A real relationship"
 
   So I was on this forum for a while - posted a bit but not a lot - but no longer remember my user name or password so I set up a new one. I wanted to make sure to share my story since I know how meaningful the success stories were to me when I needed them.

I can't say I had the easiest time in learning to live with HSV II; not physically, because after my initial outbreak, my symptoms were almost non-existent, but emotionally it did a number on me. It took quite a few years for me to get to where I am now and I do hope others will learn from my story and maybe get there sooner. I would date and always told, but it seemed I didn't feel enough for the men who were willing to accept me and would always pull away using a lack of physical attraction as an excuse and my not wanting to expose them if I didn't feel it would last.

It's clear to me now that I was looking for a reason not to be emotionally intimate with someone (which has NOTHING to do with HSV, but it gave me a nice excuse). The person I was most attracted to was someone who couldn't handle the herpes and our physical relationship never moved to full acceptance after FAR too long together. I became very adept at blow jobs, which shows how messed up I was that I was willing to do that and not get a lot in return. I finally decided to stand up for myself but, sadly, it took a while.

Long story short - I decided to go into therapy to figure out what was going on as once again last summer I pulled away from another man who was ok with it all (So for all those out there needing some support, my experience with telling has been almost all positive). After a 1/2 year of work with a very good psychotherapist, I met another interesting man hiking. We did a couple of group hikes together, talked every night for 10 days since we live an hour 1/2 apart, and I realized I needed to tell him sooner rather than later and did it on the phone, which was pretty nervewracking. He was completely open and accepting from the getgo - had briefly dated someone who had it. And he proved it when things became physical - which was even more moving to me. It has now been 4 months and he has proved time and again, that his ability to discuss this calmly back in the beginning is just one example of his emotional maturity in other aspects of his life.

For the first time I feel like I am in a healthy relationship where I feel accepted and supported without having to be something I'm not. And, I am doing the same, which I will say is different too. So my advice is to look at your relationship patterns as a whole, and see if there was a pattern even before your diagnosis. I know this was there well before I got herpes...

So stay open, keep things in your life that you love. I am very outdoors oriented and so is this man and part of our strong connection comes from sharing that.


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  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
  RE: A real relationship chinny123 Jun-29-10 1
     RE: A real relationship cheetos Jul-02-10 2
  RE: A real relationship starrattadmin Jul-05-10 3
     RE: A real relationship SweetGirl Dec-12-10 4
         RE: A real relationship Raven00144 Dec-13-10 5
             RE: A real relationship bonniewaz Dec-30-11 6
  RE: A real relationship Berry70 Dec-31-11 7

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chinny123
Member since Dec-25-08
75 posts
Jun-29-10, 11:41 AM (CST)
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1. "RE: A real relationship"
In response to message #0
 
  
Thank you for sharing your story. I don't post a lot either but I often come just to read this section.

Best of luck,

Chinny


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cheetos
Member since Dec-22-08
139 posts
Jul-02-10, 11:09 AM (CST)
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2. "RE: A real relationship"
In response to message #1
 
   Thanks so much for sharing. This was very helpful for me to read and it always gives me hope to hear other peopls stories, ecspecially those that sound similar to mine. I got diagnosed 18 months ago and continuously stall when it comes time to tell someone, or I back off. I'm just tired of living in this place of fear, and stories like yours encourage me to open my mind. Thanks again.


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starrattadmin
Charter Member
2012 posts
Jul-05-10, 01:41 AM (CST)
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3. "RE: A real relationship"
In response to message #0
 
Thanks for sharing. After my diagnosis I too had to look at what I thought I wanted in a relationship versus what I was/wasn't doing to make that happen. Most of my challenges had nothing to do with herpes.

Be well,
Lorraine

Hoe eet jy 'n olifant? Bietjie vir bietjie.
(Translation from Afrikans: How do you eat an elephant? Bit by bit.)


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SweetGirl
Member since Dec-12-10
7 posts
Dec-12-10, 06:26 PM (CST)
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4. "RE: A real relationship"
In response to message #3
 
   Thank you so much for posting your story-it was very inspiring and gave me comfort. For far too long, I have settled for men who were good people, but who didn't treat me the way in a relationship that I longed for and deserved. My recent herpes diagnosis was a real wake-up call for me, not because I was ever "unsafe" in my sexual experienes, but because I was taking too many chances with my heart, which deserves only the best. Your story helps me to see that. Thank you.


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Raven00144
Member since Sep-9-07
2375 posts
Dec-13-10, 10:09 AM (CST)
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5. "RE: A real relationship"
In response to message #4
 
   A very inspiring story.

Raven00144


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bonniewaz
Member since Dec-30-11
1 posts
Dec-30-11, 05:31 AM (CST)
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6. "RE: A real relationship"
In response to message #5
 
   It's a motivational story for everyone to maintain a good relationship.


Personal protection dog for sale


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Berry70
Member since Dec-31-11
6 posts
Dec-31-11, 07:14 PM (CST)
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7. "RE: A real relationship"
In response to message #0
 
   Thank you for sharing! It is wonderful that you found someone to share your life with! It is an inspiration to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel!


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