So I was on this forum for a while - posted a bit but not a lot - but no longer remember my user name or password so I set up a new one. I wanted to make sure to share my story since I know how meaningful the success stories were to me when I needed them.
I can't say I had the easiest time in learning to live with HSV II; not physically, because after my initial outbreak, my symptoms were almost non-existent, but emotionally it did a number on me. It took quite a few years for me to get to where I am now and I do hope others will learn from my story and maybe get there sooner. I would date and always told, but it seemed I didn't feel enough for the men who were willing to accept me and would always pull away using a lack of physical attraction as an excuse and my not wanting to expose them if I didn't feel it would last.
It's clear to me now that I was looking for a reason not to be emotionally intimate with someone (which has NOTHING to do with HSV, but it gave me a nice excuse). The person I was most attracted to was someone who couldn't handle the herpes and our physical relationship never moved to full acceptance after FAR too long together. I became very adept at blow jobs, which shows how messed up I was that I was willing to do that and not get a lot in return. I finally decided to stand up for myself but, sadly, it took a while.
Long story short - I decided to go into therapy to figure out what was going on as once again last summer I pulled away from another man who was ok with it all (So for all those out there needing some support, my experience with telling has been almost all positive). After a 1/2 year of work with a very good psychotherapist, I met another interesting man hiking. We did a couple of group hikes together, talked every night for 10 days since we live an hour 1/2 apart, and I realized I needed to tell him sooner rather than later and did it on the phone, which was pretty nervewracking. He was completely open and accepting from the getgo - had briefly dated someone who had it. And he proved it when things became physical - which was even more moving to me. It has now been 4 months and he has proved time and again, that his ability to discuss this calmly back in the beginning is just one example of his emotional maturity in other aspects of his life.
For the first time I feel like I am in a healthy relationship where I feel accepted and supported without having to be something I'm not. And, I am doing the same, which I will say is different too. So my advice is to look at your relationship patterns as a whole, and see if there was a pattern even before your diagnosis. I know this was there well before I got herpes...
So stay open, keep things in your life that you love. I am very outdoors oriented and so is this man and part of our strong connection comes from sharing that.