The Original Herpes Home Page Discussion Forums
Member since Nov-12-09
Apr-23-11, 00:09 AM (CST)|
"A long read but a beautiful story..."|
I just wanted to share my incredible success story with everyone. I remember those feelings of hopelessness when I was first diagnosed. I, like many on here was convinced life as I knew it was over. You know in a sense I was right....and now I am grateful for that...yes, this virus may turn out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I fell into becoming victimized by it for a very long time...almost married someone that mistreated me and I did not love because I felt it was better than being alone...it was not. It was through this experience I discovered a new appreciation for being on my own and that I had to value myself more than that. I was making a conscious choice to take better care of myself and NOTHING.. especially not a social stigma...was going to prevent that from happening ever again. It was very empowering...I had turned the corner and was more at peace with myself than I had ever been in my life.
I realized that when I was diagnosed I had to make 10...yes 10.. phone calls to family and friends...all people that were rallying around me waiting to be there for me if the test came back postive. When it did...I had flowers delivered, constant calls and visits along with reminders it was NO BIG DEAL! I was never alone but somehow I felt I was the only person in the world this had ever happened to...then the stories started to come in about people they knew that had it...no big deal! I even got a call from the sister of one of my friends that told me she'd had it for twenty years and laughed when she told her story about how she got it...never affected her for a moment...she really didn't give it an ounce of power in her life....she has been married 3 times to negative men and has a beautiful son.
I didn't get it then....I get it now. How truly fortunate I was that I have that kind of love and support in my life...I couldn't be that bad of a person if I had so many people that loved me unconditionally. Was I really going to let a skin condition take my appreciation for that away from me simply because of a social stigma?? Apparently for a few years I was...not anymore. I had found my way back and ready to re-engage in MY life.
I had been on an STD dating site for a long time...quickly was reminded that dating is dating...it is just plain tough....there were way bigger issues to deal with the virus. Then I decided to put a profile up on a mainstream dating site...simple profile just looking for dating...getting out for dinner etc. I didn't know if I would be able to have "the talk" even if I wanted to but "baby steps" I kept telling myself. All of the sudden I discovered that men I normally would have gotten involved with were no longer options to me anymore. I realized I did not feel safe enough to have the conversation with them. I had this epiphany...it didn't matter if they would accept it or not...if I didn't feel safe enough or confident enough in them to even ATTEMPT the conversation why on earth would I even consider dating them anyway! It suddenly became a filter for character that I never had before...not their acceptance of this virus. I wanted to be with someone that I could talk about ANYTHING to...regardless of their response...I needed to feel I would be treated with kindness and respect on any topic. This realization changed my view of EVERY relationship in my life..if I had a friend I didn't feel I could tell without being judged why on earth would they be my friend?? What a gift...thank you herpes...yes you read that correctly..lol
So, here we are today and I have yet another great story to tell. There was this man that worked at the wine store inside my local grocery store. (Ontarians...you know what I mean..lol) There was just something about him...he was attractive but it wasn't that I was just drawn to him for someone reason. I could see in his eyes it was mutual. After a few years...I had just ended my engagement...had renewed view on my world...got my nerve up and went bought a bottle of wine I didn't even want just to strike up a conversation with him! lol It was insatant chemistry...however I discovered that he was in a decade long relationship and had a young son. Oh well, I thought...I was proud of me for putting myself out there. Well, he was no longer at the wine store I noticed after awhile but did see him walkng his dog past my house a few times...weird I thought but figured he must live in the neighbourhood...I live in a smaller town. We said hello but that was it...fast forward over a year later. I am checking out profiles on the mainstream dating site and low and behold whose picture shows up! I could not believe my eyes...I hadn't seen him around for awhile. I sent him a quick message and turns out he was now single and had been almost a year...not only that but he used to live down the street from me...he could see my back yard from his house! We were neighbours for years and never knew it! It was too funny! We went for drinks and had one of those connections where you felt like you knew the person forever. We have been inseparable since...so after a few weeks I decided it was time to let him know about this...I was not afraid...I did not question for a moment that even if he wasn't willing to take the risk he would treat me with kindness and respect. I was REALLY nervous though...it was my first time doing this and not easy to start that conversation by any means. I remained very calm and just told him that since we were growing close very quickly there was something he needed to be aware of...I calmly told him...I personally have an issue with the "herpes" word...that is the the word attached to the stigma so I just asked if he was aware of the cold sore virus and he responded he was...I told him I get them down below. I told him there was a risk of transmission but with precautions it was minimal...gave him the stats and offered to refer him to more information. I also told him that I would totally get it if he didn't want to take the risk and there would not think less of him in the least. I expected him to get fidgety...go red in the face...SOMETHING!! I got NOTHING! He did not even flinch...he shrugged his shoulders said okay...that's no big deal. I was shocked...I re-iterated that even with precautions there was always a chance he could get it. I asked him to spend a day or two thinking about how he would feel if he did get it and there was a stigma to deal with if it should happen and we not stay together..spend some time on it and let me know...regardless...I was okay with his choice. He put his had back and rested it on the couch looked up at the ceiling like he was intently thinking...for about oh 10 seconds and said...yeah...I'm okay with it...this has nothing to do with the person you are which I adore..we'll manage! I was speechless and asked him about 10 times if he was sure...he grabbed me...said come here beautiful and kissed me. He told me that what he was struggling with was how he got so lucky to find me? I, of course, started to cry! LOL Then he said that since we were having this type of conversation that it was probably time to tell me that he has psoriasis...since we were disclosing skin conditions and all...and winked at me. I just lost it laughing. I waited another week before we were intimate just in case he had a change of heart...I am on Valtrex and we used condoms...no difference other than I probably feel more connected with him emotionally than with any other man I have been with in my life...I understand "making love" for the first time...it is incredible! Regardless of where this journey takes us in the future...the experience the telling experience was incredible.
Sooo...the moral to my little book here...do not let this virus make you forget your beautiful soul...we ALL have one! This virus taught me more about myself and other people than would ever have been possible otherwise...I am eternally grateful for that...really I am! lol I believe in fate and "meant to be" more than ever. It just had to be the right time to find each other and the time came...we were ready for each other. Keep the faith, have some patience...and be kind to yourself. You just never know what lies around the corner...sometimes literally...Janet
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