When i found out I had it, I seriously wanted to kill myself. I had grown up in a christian family, I was always a good kid, i tried to wait until i was married to have sex, but it's a lot harder saying than doing.I had met that one kid, that totally introduced me to trouble, and boy did i find it. I was a big girl, about 200lbs, and you know guys are shallow, i got used for sex, it wasn't because i was pretty enough, or anything like that, i was because I was fat, and stupid. i went to parties, got drunk, and it just happened.
I was 18 at the time, and it started with one little bump on my gential area. It went from that, to numerous bumps, it hurt, and i didn't know what to do. I was super sick, like pneumonia sick. I went to the doctor and they said i was positive for type 2. Honestly, I don't know who I got it from, but it doesn't make a difference, I have it either way.
I was in shock, i thought it was the end of the world, which was the worst feeling I've almost ever felt.
I love life, and the only thing i wanted in life was to be loved, and have someone that just wants me forever. With a dream like that, herpes is like.....
Dreaming of being a pilot, but then losing your eye sight.
I already have depression, so this only made it worse.
But you know, with time i realized that I WILL be fine. It's a VIRUS, 1 out of 5 people have it, and i already met a few, I'm 19 now, it's be about exactly a year. And about 6 months into having it, I realized that I have every chance to be something incredible in life. I got motivated, lost about 40 lbs, and now I have a boyfriend, that means eveyrthing to me.
When I told him, i had to explain a little bit about it, but now he understands. I don't know what I would do without him, he is my everything, and the fear of transmitting it to him terrifiees me constantly, but the fact that he's willing to take that risk,and to be willing to put himself in the same boat as me?
No one could ever make me happier.
To any average herpes free person, it's an awful thing.
But to me?
It really did save my life, it taught me to stop partying, stop doing drugs, and to calm the hell down. At the rate was at, I could have very well turned into a crack head with aids, verging on litterally jumping out a window. But thankfully, I'm not. I'm a much betterperson, and I know that I will be fine.
To all of you out there like me, thank you for your stories, that's truly what helped me feel ...like i wasn't alone, and that i go on with my life, with herpes......Happily.
It's just herpes, not the end of the world. <3