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Subject: "Scared"     Previous Topic | Next Topic
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Fashion12000
Member since Jun-8-13
1 posts
Jun-08-13, 12:05 PM (CST)
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"Scared"
 
   I was diagnosed less then a year ago with GHSV1 it was my Thanksgiving gift.... The guy I was dating did not tell me he gets coldsore and he did not have one showing at the time that he went down on me and i ended up contracting GHSV1. I was so hurt and angry be cause he was not careful. It took me a couple of months to just let it go and live with the fact that I have herpes and then i reconnected with a guy from high school (i am currently 26)

Me and this guy had instant chemistry he was like a dream come true to me. He lived in another state so we spent a lot of time on the phone and on skype... He came out and visited me and course things got hot and heavy but i stopped them before getting any further and he respected my decision. After he left things got more serious and he wanted me to come out and visit him (he's a professional athlete) where he would be playing for that season. I booked my ticket and then realized that i had to tell him. One day we skyped and of course i started crying and telling him what i had and he said that he dosent want to get it so i told him what precautions we can take and then he said it dosent change how he feels about me and that he was scared i was ending things with him. I thought i was in a dream. I was soooooooooooo happpy..... We then decided that we would move in together after his season was over and he wanted me to stay with him while he was in season but i couldn't finically do that.

Now skipping ahead to my next visit with him... The first three days were perfect.... I had fallen in love with this guy and i thought he was my soulmate then one i was going to marry and the way he spoke to me i thought the same. We had sex the first time using protection one of the nights. The next day i just got so scared that i would lose him and i started thinking to my self what if he gets it will he resent me forever etc..... That night i burst into tears because thats all i kept thinking about. I started to tell him that what if he gets will he hate me there still is a risk even using protection and then i went on about saying that i don't deserve him he deserves better and really putting my self down as if i was a leper and didn't deserve love or to be happy. He would tell me come here give me a kiss and i just couldn't even do that because i would cry hysterically.... "His response was well i like you a lot but i really need to think about this" All i wanted is for him to do is grab me and say babe im hear no matter what I love you and thats not what i got. He went to bed and i wrote him a text that i just had a moment of panic and that i fell in love with him and wanted to marry him. The next morning i was leaving for back home that day and things where just weird and uncomfortable he went from seeming to be in love with me to not even holding my hand or anything. I was a mess all that day trying to keep it together in front of his team mates. I left knowing that i lost him knowing that i was finally so happy and everything just crumbled beneath me.

The next day when i was back home already he called to tell me that he dosent see this long term and he needs to focus on his career and that this totally freaked him out... I was devastated because i doubted myself and i made him doubt his initial decision. And i cried for a week straight and have been hibernating for 3 weeks. I contacted him twice since we broke up and he never responded. I dont know how someone can just cut everything off like i was nothing to them. Truly hurts. I am scared that i will never find a love like that, find that feeling of being head over heels over someone because i already had it and i ruined it because i panicked and thought the worse. What if this was my one chance. Im truly scared i wont find someone as good as him and i will have to settle or be alone which devastates me.


Help with some advice i feel hopeless....


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Raven00144
Member since Sep-9-07
2417 posts
Jun-08-13, 01:40 PM (CST)
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1. "RE: Scared"
In response to message #0
 
   Has he even been tested to know what he may nor may not have? Has he ever gotten oral cold sores? Many people do not remember getting cold sores as this is usually gotten as children. If he has HSVI orally then he shares the same virus as you do and he cannot catch something that he already has. As GHSVI sheds less than GHSVII and has less OBs, it is thought that transmission is low or not often.

If you had a moment of panic over something else, would he act the same way? Even though it hurts the way he has acted, it might be a good thing that you have seen this side of his character so early in the relationship rather than later in it. HSV is minor in the long run compared with the other things that life will throw at you. In time you may realize that if he acts this way over something so minor, how will he handle something much more traumatic?

I have GHSVII and I was close to your age or slightly younger when I got it--well over 20 years ago. I have been engaged a few times and even with two men that also have GHSVII. These relationships ended for things other than my or their HSV status', so you will find love again--TRUE LOVE.

Raven00144


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